A victim is a person harmed, injured or killed as a result of a crime, accident or other event or action. A person who is tricked or duped. A person who has suffered physical or emotional harm, property damage or economic loss as a result of a crime.
The state of victimization is far from a happy place. You feel like you are alone and there is no one to talk to all because no one will understand.
Well, I am here to say that there are individuals, groups and resources out there in the world and online that are ready to help!
I am a survivor and an advocate for survivors and victims.
A survivor is a person who has been through a horrible experience. A person who copes well with difficulties in their lives. Particularly, a person who would prefer to not be apart of anything they were exposed to before that is seen as being unhealthy for them or their lives.
Practicing making healthier decisions are the difference between remaining a victim and becoming a survivor.
I formulated my own 10 steps to committing to be a survivor of anything and keep moving forward.
- Start with Self/This Moment Having the desire to change is the beginning of your survival. That is your inner self signaling that you are unsafe and whatever you are doing needs to stop. Have you ever had people who broke promises to you? If it bothers you enough, why not be the one who starts keeping their words to you? Make that your 1st commitment (especially if you are a victim) to your survival? Analyze and examine the good, bad and ugly about where you are right now. I started by breaking my goals down to 1, 5, 10 years. As I am crossing off my lists, I keep my goals up to date and make sure to list reachable goals.
- Forgiveness & Absolution Once you are in a safe, stable environment and/or state of mind: In order to successfully move on from a situation, forgiveness is the only way. It is not acting like nothing happened but more of accepting what did transpire, acknowledging that it’s over and you are choosing to leave it where it is in order to grow from it. You look in the mirror and forgive you for what you allowed yourself to endure (you are taking responsibility and accountability). Understand you are human and if you knew everything, there wouldn’t be a point of living. You probably went through your experience to help prevent others from doing the same. For those committed to survival, the final step of this stage is asking the universe for absolution. That is my way of telling myself I do not intend to go down the road again. An amends is not suggested but seek professional help to become informed if you are in a situation where an amends is safe and healthy for your growth.
- A New Way of Living In order to have a different life, we have to have a different way of thinking and doing. My new life and way of living is because of my living road map a*k*a my goals. (I will make a whole post on goal setting soon)
- Support System If you have positive friends and family members that could be a great start! If you know positive people in your community, job, school or where ever you are outside of your home are excellent resources. The last resort for most would be professional, positive individuals, who either went to school or have enough experience in helping people to be able to assist you. I have professions whose jobs are to check on my mental health, emotional well being, how am I functioning in my work environment and makes sure everything operates properly at home.
- Setting clear, concise standards, principles and values in stone Evaluate past situations and the characteristics of individuals you don’t want in your life anymore. While leaving a little room for error, practicing identifying those characteristics, situations and vibes that you no longer desire to have in your life. Make a list if you have to, of different ways to leave safely whenever you find yourself around the wrong people or places.
- Making necessary Changes You can start from within and work your way out. You can begin on the outside and work your way in. You can even go in between out and in. As long as you begin working towards the changes necessary is all that matters. Therapy, new hair, new wardrobe, relocation or changing your train of thought are some changes we can make for our self healing.
- Getting to know the New You When one thing change everything changes. Sometimes the affect of a traumatic event is not obvious. There are times the only time the affect shows it’s ugly face is in situations similar to the ones we promised to stay away from. Looking deep inside yourself and trying things you never done before will help in step 7.
- Never Look Back Once you have come up with a detailed plan to execute, follow through with it. Remember where you have been in your life and where you are heading are 2 different directions. Consider the situations and people that are not healthy for your well being. Make an effort to avoid them at all times. If you find yourself around those types of people or situations, do not down yourself. Be thankful that you have realized in time and have a plan in play to not be in the situation again.
- Speak Up A solid difference between a victim and a survivor is the courage to speak up. By sharing your stories, experiences and testimonies allows you to find your voice and become comfortable enough to encourage others without a voice.
- Connections Through your stories, experiences and testimonies, you will find others who has overcome similar situations. You will find living proof that you are not the only one going/went through troubles and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Through outside perspective, you will enlighten yourself on new ways to avoid trouble, drama, and people who will hinder you from achieving everything you are working towards achieving.
You do not have to try my ways or do it in chronological order. These are some ways that I took in order to be free from my situation or people who tried to take control of my life.
I am a survivor because I am taking the necessary precautions to avoid toxicity and not go through anything I have witnessed or experienced violently in my life ever again. I matter that much to me! Whatever I desire from another person I can give myself. I am committed to doing whatever I need done for my mental, emotional and spiritual well being.
This post is in hope that there are individuals who also love their lives and selves as such will gain the will power to do the same.
Until next time….Keep Shining & Take Care!!!!